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Tuesday, August 01, 2006

New Joker named

LOS ANGELES, California (Hollywood Reporter) -- Batman is heading into a sequel, titled "The Dark Knight," and he will face off against the Joker, this time played by Heath Ledger. Full article

Bad casting has been the downfall of Batman movies. George Clooney as Batman, Val Kilmer as Batman, Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze, allowing Chris Nolan to step in front of a camera, much less play Robin. All of them huge mistakes. Clooney wasn't Batman, he was Clooney. Kilmer wasn't Batman, and I don't think even he knows what he was doing. In fact, outside of Real Genius and The Saint, Kilmer is dead to me.

But the new Batman series was going to be different. Christian Bale owned Batman. He was the very essence of the character. Christopher Nolan directed a movie that was perfect. Great script, everything completely plausible, everything explained, even the new Batmobile was cool.

Then they cast Heath Ledger as Joker.

It's not that I think Heath Ledger can't act. It's a fact that he can't act. And it's not that his previous movies lead me to believe he'll do nothing other than take a dump on a great character, moistening the potential of this series with his shitty acting. And it's not even that he is a dumb, goofy-looking guy set to play an evil genius. They can take care of that with makeup.

It's that I can kick Heath Ledger's ass.

Now I'm not threatening Heathy-baby. I have no aggressive feelings towards him, other than hating him and his movies. But the mere fact that I, a 21-year-old man who rarely works out, am going to have to watch this prissy prick pretend that he has the cojones to battle the Dark Knight is inexcusable. How do I know I can kick Heath Ledger's ass?

1) He's Australian and his name isn't Mick Dundee.

2) The best part of The Patriot was the part where Ledger died. All the scenes he wasn't in were pretty good too.

3) 10 Things I Hate About You is just one thing I hate about Ledger.

4) I feel that he's partially to blame for the Brokeback Mountain screenplay, for nothing other than he read it aloud (if you want to call it acting, go ahead).

5) His first name is Heath. There isn't one hard consonant in it. Hhheeaaatthhhh.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe a crazy, evil character is just the role for him. Maybe he'll be the next Willem Dafoe. Or maybe, just maybe, I'll be buying a plane ticket to Australia so I can stomp my movie ticket refund out of him.


Blogger Joe Killian said...

I don't think your being able to kick his ass is necessarily a bad thing.

The Joker's never been a tough guy. He's just fucking crazy. Nearly every time Batman (or any other hero) gets their hands on him they beat him like a rag doll and he bleeds all over himself and laughs a lot. He's just evil, crazy and brilliant, so it's hard getting to the point where you can lay hands on him.

I would have chosen Jonathan Rhys Meyers, an even slighter guy, to play the Joker. If you've seen "Velvet Goldmine" you'll have some idea why.

8/03/2006 11:37:00 AM  

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