Dear UNCG: Please charge me with something

ABC - Wake County school officials have suspended a boy for having sex during school hours.

It violated school rules, and officials say those rules apply no matter where you are during school hours.

But the Biggar's family is filing a lawsuit against the school system, saying his suspension for the rest of the school year is unconstitutional. He says he had no notice that private, consensual, off-campus sexual activity could subject him to school suspension.

There's a steady stream of college students being charged with violating school rules while off campus, but this is the first high school case I've heard of. Naturally it's from the Old North State.

I honestly look forward to a day when UNCG charges me with breaking a school rule while off campus. It's not as if I'm shy about my underage drinking; I'm sure someone in the administration reads The Carolinian.

First I'll call a personal lawyer, since there would certainly be some sort of complications with my job as a CA. I've heard these guys are good, but I'd shop around.

Then I'm calling the ACLU. They'd love to get a model case like that, especially one from the UNC system.

Then I'm calling every single newspaper and television station in North Carolina. I would call them first, but them knowing that I'm fighting the case tooth and nail makes for a better story.

Finally, I'm calling whoever pressed the charges with the names of my lawyers and every reporter who said they'd be interested in the story. Just in case they need the contact info.