eBay, you vile whore

eBay sucked me in again. She's a temptress. eBay is really nothing more than a giant yard sale with an entire Internet full of rednecks. I never buy anything, it's just quality entertainment. For example, after just a few clicks I came across this little gem.

Liven up any room or party with our fun, hip tile coasters, measuring 4.25” x 4.25” and 1/6-inch thick.

That's right, no balls, no glory, no watermarks with our Marine military coasters! For the badass metrosexual, coasters with their own testicles. Coasters you could use to kill a man, so long as you don't get any blood on the cream white carpet.

My favorite part: "Four felt pads protect your furniture from scratches. Dishwasher safe. Not for use with abrasive cups and mugs." Abrasive cups? Like the kind of cups that make you need to use a coaster in the first place?

What kind of person is drinking coffee out of a mug wrapped with barb wire? The kind of person that uses a "NO BALLS NO GLORY" coaster, that's who.