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Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Faux News: Phantom student searches for long lost parking spot

Yesterday during Chancellor Sullivan's weekly campus address, given in a booming voice from the roof of the EUC, she confirmed rumors of a ghost haunting UNCG parking lots in search of a parking spot. Windows around campus shook with the news of the spectral student.

Asked one freshman, "Does she always have to scream like that, or is that just the sound of sheer authority?"

The Chancellor's confirmation comes after weeks of reported sightings of the ghost, who has been identified as former UNCG student Martha Harrison. Harrison was killed in 1963 after a freak accident with a parking meter.

"Police reports from the time indicate that Harrison was attempting to load change into a parking meter when the meter exploded," explained Campus Police Officer Paul Bruno. "Further investigation revealed that the meter was overfilled with change. When Harrison loaded a quarter into the meter it exploded, sending coin shrapnel out fifty yards in every direction. Harrison had so many quarters pumped into her that she could have paid off her tuition, had the coins not killed her."

Now Harrison's ghost roams UNCG's campus eternally in search of a parking spot, said Bruno.

"You can tell when she's near you because of the jingling change noise. It's nothing to be worried about, she's harmless," said Bruno. "But, she's not to be confused with the local serial killer that's been beating people to death with bags of change. If you hear him, run for your life.'

Officer Bruno added that Harrison's ghost should not be mistaken as the homeless man often seen on Tate Street dressed as a ghost and asking for change.

"He's not a ghost, he's just crazy. Stay away from him."

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