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Tuesday, March 21, 2006

My Dear Nigerian Princess

I finally got contacted by one of those Nigerian royals who needs help getting some money out of the country. Such a famous scam, and it took them years to get to me. What gives? I'm insulted. Now there's fun to be had.

From: Funmilayo Badmos
Reply-To: funmilayo2996_badmus2003@atmail.com
To: funmilayo2996_badmus2003@atmail.com
Date: Mar 15, 2006 11:13 PM
Subject: Please Reply

Please Reply
Dear Ivan,

Good day and Compliments,

I would like to start by letting you know that I have once contacted
some one who promise to assist me but later run started behaving
funny hence I decided to contact you.

[Editing out the boring parts, it's a form email you can find at Snopes]

Well, my father died and left I and my family behind. He was a king, which our town citizens titled him over sixteen years before his death. I was a Princess to him and the first born
child that could take charge of his wealth after his death.

[Blah blah blah]

As a matter of fact,my dad deposited the sum of US $ 7 Million dollars in with D.D.S.C SECURITY EXCHANGE CORPORATION IN EUROUPE. This money was annually paid into my late fathers account before he transfered it to the Security Company from Shell Petroleum
Development Company(SPDC)and> Chevron Oil Company operating in our locality for
the compensation of youth and community development in our jurisdiction.

[Blah blah, they want me to take the money and hold it for them]

Please don't forget that as soon as the transfer is Completed I will Send my Lawyer or Travel down myself for Investment. At this junction I will need this things for easy Communication. Requirement.


Please reply only to my private email adress

Thanks for your understanding and anticipated

Yours Sincerly,

Princess Funmilayo Badmos
[I sent one back to the lovely Princess]

From: Luke McIntyre
To: funmilayo2996_badmus2003@atmail.com
Date: Mar 16, 2006 6:47 AM
Subject: Re: Please Reply

Dear Princess Badmos,

What's up girl? I don't have a bank account right now, I'm using an empty mayonaise jar buried in my backyard. Actually I'm using a lot of them because I can't find any that I've buried.

I could get a bank account I suppose, what sort of account do I need?
[She responds]

From: Funmilayo Badmos
Reply-To: funmilayo2996_badmus2003@atmail.com
To: lukedmcintyre@gmail.com
Date: Mar 19, 2006 12:26 PM
Subject: Thanks & reply

Dear Freind ,

Words can not explain the Joy you just brought to the life of my family, well I want you to know that my family are very please to see your response, may the good lord continue to bless you. I would be sending to you a copy of my picture or precisely a one containing my entire family. But for know I will want to know if you can accommodate me when I visit your country because immediately after the fund is transferred safely to you as the next of kin I will be traveling down to invest my part in a lucrative business in your country, hence I want to know the kind of business you think I can invest on and if you are married can you accommodate me.

[Yak, yak. Her uncles are evil, she's not trying to scam me.]

Please reply and the good lord will see you through all your endeavors in life; thanks once more may the good lord continue to guard and protect you. Don’t forget to send to me your phone number for easy communication.

Yours Sincerely,
Princess Funmilayo Badmos
From: Luke McIntyre
To: funmilayo2996_badmus2003@atmail.com
Date: Mar 21, 2006 7:49 PM
Subject: Re: Thanks & reply

Dear Princess Badmos,

At first I must admit that I was suspicious of you contacting me, but after you referenced your faith in Jesus Christ I know you must be trustworthy. Of course I'm assuming when you say God that you mean the Christian God, not some tree god or something like that.

When you come to America you can stay at my place. I hope you don't mind sleeping on a fold-out sofa. I suppose it's not exactly worthy of a princess, but my bedroom is where the magic happens, and I'm guessing you don't want none of that.

Right now I'm having phone problems, so you'll probably only be able to email me for a while. I used to have a cordless phone, but I left it outside somewhere when I was looking for one of them mayonnaise jars. I think the dog got ahold of it. Sometimes I think he's tries to order Chinese food so he can eat a cat or something. I haven't been able to phone the pharmacy to update my prescription either.

I completely understand what you mean by not trusting your family with money. Last week I lent my brother five bucks to go buy some hamburgers and I haven't seen the son of a bitch since.

So what do I need to do to help you out? What's the first step? I look forward to helping out you and your family. It's almost like missionary work, only I don't have to leave the couch.

Yours in Christ,


I can't wait for her response. Should I give them a phone number to call? I want to see how far they'll take this, and phone numbers are pretty public information anyway.


Anonymous Ivan said...

Please Reply
Dear Ivan,

Good day and Compliments,

You freaking used my alias, you name stealing doo doo head. You're just jealous because Ivan is a better name than Luke.

3/22/2006 12:30:00 AM  
Anonymous Luke said...

She mailed me addressing Ivan, actually. No decent name has the letter "V" in it anyway.

3/22/2006 02:32:00 AM  

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