It starts.

I thought I should dedicate my first post to a few quotes that I've aquired over the years. These are just excerpts from an unreasonably long list. Take it away boys.

People who are threatened by jokes are the same people who tend to refer to actors on soap operas by their characters' names. Listen, there's the Real World, and then there's the Joke World, ok? The Joke World can get tough. Wear a cup.
- Dennis Miller

"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worth while?"
Death thought about it. "Cats," he said eventually, "Cats are nice."
- Terry Pratchett, "Sourcery"

You know, I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought, wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them? So, now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe.
- Marcus Cole (Babylon 5)

I may not know much, but I know chicken shit from chicken salad.
- Lyndon B. Johnson, about a speech by Richard M. Nixon

Do not hit at all if it can be avoided, but never hit softly.
- Theodore Roosevelt

"The time has come", the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes—and ships—and sealing wax—
Of cabbages—and Kings—
And why the Sea is boiling hot—
And whether pigs have wings."
- Lewis Carrol ("The Walrus and the Carpenter," Through the Looking-Glass)

You go. We go.
- Lt. Steven McCaffrey (played by Kurt Russel, Backdraft)

Look at him... That's my brother god damnit.
- Lt. Steven McCaffrey (played by Kurt Russel, Backdraft)

We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.
- Abraham Lincoln (First Inaugural Address, March 4, 1861 [referenced in American History X])

Shady stay creative baby hold your head up don't you let up
One bit on these motherfuckin suckers you're a soldier get up
Stand up for what you believe in as long as you breathin
They jealous of you man that's the only reason they beefin'
- Eminem (Words are Weapons)

If I ever gave a fuck, I'd shave my nuts
tuck my dick inbetween my legs and cluck
You motherfuckin chickens ain't brave enough
to say the stuff I say, so this tape is shut
Shit, half the shit I say, I just make it up
To make you mad so kiss my white naked ass
And if it's not a rapper that I make it as
I'ma be a fuckin rapist in a Jason mask
- Eminem (Criminal, Marshal Mathers LP)

All of us learn to write in the second grade. Most of us go on to greater things.
- Bobby Knight

If we wait too long we risk learning that life is not a game lost nor won...but simply, most often, it is a game that is not played.
- William Forrester (played by Sean Connery, Finding Forrester)

PUNCH THE KEYS FOR GOD'S SAKE!
- William Forrester (played by Sean Connery, Finding Forrester)